Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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