facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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