that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
