she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I'm like, not good at living.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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