ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
He? As in you personified your dick?
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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