did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
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