My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
