This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
