She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Randomize
