i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
