i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
