i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I have already put on my inside pants.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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