Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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