Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
