Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
