Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
