I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
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