Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
