That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
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the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
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You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Randomize