I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Randomize
