Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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