I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
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