Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Randomize
