That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
