I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
