It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
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