I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
