So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
