i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
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