I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize