We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
