im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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