you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
being pregnant is like rehab
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
