I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
