On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I am never drinking with the goths again.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
