Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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