I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Randomize
