I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
