I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Of course I have a pirate flag
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
