so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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