do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
