I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
