He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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