I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
