I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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