i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
