just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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