I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
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