2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
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