ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Randomize
