that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
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Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
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How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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