That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
