so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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