Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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