Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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