Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
