If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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