This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
