So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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