Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I want to fling myself into the sun
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
