doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
