Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
