We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
