wake up i wanna do it froggy style
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
