Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
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